


Thanks To You

by ShipsAreSparksOfLife



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Happy Ending, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9276920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipsAreSparksOfLife/pseuds/ShipsAreSparksOfLife
Summary: Alex has a problem. Maggie is part of the solution.OrSometimes you need a wake up call.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Alcohol. Anxiety Attack.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Alex Danvers is drunk.

It's not surprising for an alcoholic.

She doesn't even realize she has a problem until Maggie brings it up one night. They just closed a case and they are celebrating at the dive bar. Alex had three beers already and orders a scotch neat.

“Babe don't you think you had enough to drink for one night?” Maggie asked voice ever so gentle.

Because that's who Maggie is gentle, funny and _so beautiful,_ Alex still has a hard time believing they are together. Alex just shrugs in response saying that she is only celebrating the end of the case.But this question comes back more often than Alex or Maggie would like to admit. Alex starts to think about it in the middle of the day when J'onn reviews the raid they did earlier in the day. Alex is only half listening because there is only one thing on her mind right now, it's a glass of whiskey on the rocks.

 

When she gets home later that night the first thing she does is pour herself a drink. She has come to crave the amber liquid more than she did in college which is saying something, knowing her troubled days.The crave has become so important and the quantity alarmingly big. She pours and pours until her stomach starts to protest against the alcohol. It burns her throat more than usual and not eating anything before drinking probably wasn't the best decision she has made today.

 

_Good decisions?,_ she thinks as she fills yet another glass for herself.

 

Alex has tried her entire life to do the right thing, to make the right decision. To be a good sister for Kara, taking the fall for her more than once. She has made so many sacrifices for her little sister. She doesn't regret those choices, they are just so hard to bear sometimes. A constant reminder that she is still not enough.She still tries to protect Kara everyday of her life even though she is Supergirl, Alex has always put Kara first. Alex has always put everyone else before her own life. Her mother always asked her to look after Kara and that's what she did, her _entire_ life.

 

When she drinks it is for herself and herself only, it is to forget she has ever failed anyone. To simply forget who she is and what she has to do. She leaves the world she exists in just for a while, it's enough for her, it has to be.

She thought things would get better thanks to Maggie and they have. But not enough.

She is terrified of not being enough for Maggie. Her girlfriend could have picked anyone else. She could have never shown up to Alex's door step with pizza and beer. She could have never said the words “We should kiss the girls that we want to kiss”. She could have never opened Alex's eyes about all the wonderful things she was missing about life.

About love.

Alex is so scared to disappoint or fail Maggie, that she drinks. Because it seems like it has become the only suitable solution to make things just go away. Every thought about Maggie leaving, Maggie finding someone better. Or worst. Maggie getting hurt or dying. When she drinks she can forget about how things could just end.Alex never had a problem putting herself in danger for others but when it comes to people who are close to her, the thought of them getting hurt is unbearable.

 

Suddenly she can't breathe because the thought of something happening to either Kara, J'onn or Maggie is overwhelming. Her lungs are constricting and she simply can't get any air in. Alex doesn't panic. Ever. She asses the situation. She makes quick decisions. Just how she has been taught.

 

She takes shallow breaths and her heart is beating way to fast. Her eyes are welling up. She tries to breath. But all she can do is panic. Insufferable images of Kara and Maggie being deeply wounded rush to her mind. It's too much. The alcohol in her system is playing tricks with her mind.She grabs her phone urgently and dials Maggie's number. The problem is that she still can't breathe, so when Maggie picks up the phone she only hears shallow breaths coming from the other side of the line.

“Alex, what's happening are you okay?” Maggie asks voice filled with worry. Alex manages to let out a strangled “No”. Maggie promises that she will get there as soon as possible. Alex tries to be calm but can't manage to slow her heart down. She falls to the floor in an attempt to get up from her stool and cries out in pain.

 

She waits for Maggie sprawled on the floor of her kitchen. She waits for Maggie staying still because it feels like she can't move. Maggie arrives after a while Alex doesn't how long. She breaks through the door concern written all over face. Her jaw clenches at the sight of the bottle of whiskey, she quickly runs to kneel beside Alex.Maggie helps her to a sitting position, Alex starts rocking back and forth, Maggie is here but she still feels like she is suffocating. Maggie knows all too well how it feels when someone panics like that. So she does what she used to do when it happened.

 

“Alex focus on my voice. Deep breaths baby deep breaths,” Maggie musters to speak in a calm voice. Inside her heart is breaking for Alex because Maggie had noticed. She sees it every time Alex has too many drinks, when Alex starts drinking not for the pleasure but because she needs to. She hoped Alex would have talked to her about it. Now is not the time to dwell on it though.

 

Maggie takes Alex's hand in hers and places it on her own cheek. “Hey, Alex I'm right here okay, do like me breathe in breathe out,” Maggie demonstrates to her panicking girlfriend. Alex tries to, she really does and after a couple of tries she manages to draw in bigger breaths and inhales normally again.Maggie gives Alex some space still holding her hand she traces patterns on the back of her hand to keep her grounded. After a few moments Alex has calmed down enough and tugs on Maggie's hand to hug her.

 

“I'm so sorry,” Alex whimpers in her ear. She is, she has a problem. Alex Danvers is an alcoholic and now she knows it.

 

Now she is even more terrified that Maggie will run away because she is not enough. Her way of coping with their reality has become so unhealthy, it might even do more damage on the long term. Maggie hugs her tight. Alex puts her forehead against Maggie's and notices the tears running down her cheeks. “I'm so sorry,” she repeats. “It's okay I'm okay,” Alex continues.Wiping the tears away.

 

Maggie was just so scared. She still is. Alex has a problem and she needs to deal with it starting from now. They both move from their uncomfortable position to the couch where they lay, Maggie on top of Alex her head resting on Alex's heart.Both of them exhausted by what just happened.

 

“You have a problem with alcohol,” Maggie whispers.

 

“I do,” Alex answers back her heart beating frantically. This is the moment where Maggie runs away.

 

“I'm not going anywhere if you let me stay through this.” Maggie states. All she wants is for Alex to get better. She would do anything to show Alex that she is enough.

 

“Yes of course. It's going to be hard though,” Alex mutters. It'll be so hard to let go of a habit that has been so easy to fall into. But thanks to Maggie it seems easier than if she was alone. She would have to talk with Kara too. Her sister has always been her biggest inspiration and she is sure that she will be understanding and a constant support, like Maggie, through this journey.

 

They sleep together that night and exchange words of reassurance and love, with the promise of facing tomorrow together.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be happy if you left kudos and a comment. I'm currently looking for a beta come and find me @iurey on Tumblr if you're interested or just want to chat about these wonderful ladies!


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